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For years, I heard people talk about affirmations, but I hated them. I would try every once in a while, but they didn't really work for me.

The first time I tried them was around 2006 after I'd bought a Tony Robbins tape, and he suggested I repeat to myself "every day in every way I'm getting stronger and stronger". Not my typical thing, but I have noting to lose, so I tried it for a while. But that voice inside kept saying "bullshit", and eventually I stopped.

Later, though, I learned how to …

A while back, I asked Gay Hendricks, what is the number one piece of advice he would give me? His answer: Find those pockets of fear, and turn them into flow by breathing into them. That phrase took on a new meaning for me last night.

I was lying in bed, having trouble sleeping. A couple of things transpired. An old painful sadness came up, which caused a bump in my relationship with my wife. Plus I had to get up at 4.30 to catch an early morning flight to Chicago.

So I laid there, allowing my…

“All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin' in the sun,
Talkin' bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done...
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.” - Shel Silverstein 

This poem, though written for children, provokes a rather compelling question: 

Why do we dwell on the past when we know we can’t change it?

Shame. Guilt. Fear. These negative thoughts can fester inside us like parasites.

I woulda tried harder.

I coulda done more.

I shoulda asked for h…